The Night We Said Yes by Lauren Gibaldi

Title: The Night We Said Yes
Author: Lauren Gibaldi
Publisher: HarperTeen
Release Date: June 16, 2015
Rating: 1/5

The Gist: Before Matt, Ella had a plan. Get over a no-good ex-boyfriend. Graduate from high school without any more distractions. Move away from Orlando, Florida, where she’s lived her entire life.

But Matt—the cute, shy, bespectacled bass player who just moved to town—was never part of that plan.

And neither was attending a party that was crashed by the cops just minutes after they arrived. Or spending an entire night saying “yes” to every crazy, fun thing they could think of.

Then Matt abruptly left town, and he broke not only Ella’s heart but those of their best friends, too. So when he shows up a year later with a plan of his own—to relive the night that brought them together—Ella isn’t sure whether Matt’s worth a second chance. Or if re-creating the past can help them create a different future.

In alternating then and now chapters, debut author Lauren Gibaldi crafts a charming, romantic story of first loves, lifelong friendships, uncovered secrets, and, ultimately, finding out how to be brave.

Review: No, no, no, no, no. I am so annoyed with this book that I can barely be bothered to write the review.  First of all, the whole premise is flawed from the start.  The characters are supposed to be reliving a magical, romantic night in which they promised to say yes to all suggestions and dares.  In theory, it sounds fun.  In reality, it was a mess of whiny teenagers fighting with each other, punctuated by occasional running from the police.  There were very few dares, and those were lame and boring.  We were treated to the drama of not one, but two couples and one or both of them was constantly bickering.  

 

The main character managed to be both boring and infuriating.  She showed zero personality and suffered from a serious case of "my life is incomplete without a boyfriend" syndrome.  She didn't seem to have any interests other than tagging along with her friend, Meg, and watching their friend's band play (Note: I always find it incredibly unrealistic when books feature teen bands that a) have actual gigs b) have actual fans and c) are provided enough autonomy by their parents to pull off the shit they do).  The most irritating part was that, after getting a more than reasonable explanation for her ex-boyfriend's disappearance and inability to tell her why (including some serious family issues that his parents did not want him to speak about) she continues to pout, whine, and stamp her feet in some childish temper tantrum because he didn't trust her enough to tell her anyway.  All this, despite the fact that they had dated for only a few months.  It was at this point of the plot (which was pretty early on) that I started to tune out.  

The rest of the story consisted of re-hashing their "one perfect night" and Ella convincing herself that she should give Matt another chance, despite the fact that she was leaving in 3 months.  UGH! whiny teenage crap.  This book was not romantic, it was not exciting, it didn't even have a point.  Leave it on the shelf.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 13 and up
Sex:  Kissing
Violence:  None
Inappropriate Language: Piss, Fuck, Bitch
Substance Use/Abuse: Underage Drinking, Smoking

Other Issues: Drinking and driving

The Memory Hit by Carla Spradbery

Title: The Memory Hit
Author: Carla Spradbery
Publisher: Hodder Children's Books
Release Date: June 4, 2015
Rating: 1/5

The Gist: On New Year's Eve, Jess's life is unrecognizable: her best friend is in the hospital, her boyfriend is a cheater. A drug-dealing cheater it would seem, after finding a stash of Nostalgex in his bag.

Nostalgex: a drug that stimulates memory. In small doses, a person can remember the order of a deck of cards, or an entire revision guide read the day before an exam. In larger doses it allows the user detailed access to their past, almost like watching a DVD with the ability to pause a moment in time, to focus on previously unnoticed details and to see everything they've ever experienced with fresh eyes. As Leon, the local dealer, says 'it's like life, only better.' What he fails to mention is that most memories are clouded by emotions. Even the most vivid memories can look very different when visited.

Across town Sam Cooper is in trouble. Again. This time, gagged and bound in the boot of a car. Getting on the wrong side of a drug dealer is never a good idea, but if he doesn't make enough money to feed and clothe his sister, who will?

On New Year's Day, Jess and Cooper's worlds collide. They must put behind their differences and work together to look into their pasts to uncover a series of events that will lead them to know what really happened on that fateful New Year's Eve. But what they find is that everything they had once believed to be true, turns out to be a lie ...

Review: 

 

What I wanted: a book about a crazy drug that increased mental capacity and allowed people to live out their memories,  What I go: a book about the most boring teenagers on the face of the earth making terrible decisions that put their lives in danger.  Needless to say, this book was just not for me.  The effects of the drug, which I wanted to be the main feature of the plot, seemed more of a gimmick to have the characters remember important details in a suspenseful manner.  I was really disappointed in this because I could see huge potential for the idea of a drug that allowed people to relive their best (or worst) memories.  How many people who had lost loved ones would fall into a drug induced haze so that they could hold them one last time?  How many people with traumatic experiences would be further devastated by reliving those memories on a bad trip?  How might people use the drug in order to cheat on entrance exams or stay ahead of the curve - imagine if it had to be tested for the same way steroids are tested for in the sporting world!  Unfortunately, The Memory Hit didn't explore any of those avenues.  We had one instance of cheating on tests and two where a character took the drug to try and find the big bad guy.  In both of the latter, they devolved into the dullest relationship montage ever. 

 

The novel is filled with YA cliches.  The oh-so-special main character whom every boy wants.  The love interests who fight over her.  The absentee parents - lets pause a moment there - what the heck was wrong with her father?  First of all, she escapes a fire, goes to the hospital, runs around the town, goes back to the hospital and her father is nowhere to be found?  If my kid was in that situation and I hadn't heard from her I would be blowing up her phone and scouring the streets!  To make matter worse, when her (ex?) boyfriend pushes her away, leaving her bleeding against a brick wall, her father (who apparently was watching the whole time) waits for her ex-ex boyfriend to decide whether or not he was going to fight the guy and then calmly sends the kids home.  What the Hell?!  My father would murder the guy for even THINKING about laying a hand on me.  

 

The characters are B-O-R-I-N-G.  They have zero personality and make THE WORST DECISIONS EVER!  I feel like this whole problem could have been solved if any of the teenagers had gone to the police or at least one of the adults (like Jag's awesome dad).  They also do things that seem completely out of character with little or no coercion or explanation.  There is a twist of the most ludicrous invention.  The identity of the Big Baddie makes NO sense and I do not buy that this person was able to run a successful drug ring and risked it all in order to blackmail one kid into dealing.  Not to mention the fact that arson is the easiest murder weapon to go awry and at least one of the places they torched should have had tons of video cameras or the fact that no police seem to be bothering to try and find whoever keeps setting places on fire!

Bottom Line: Despite a killer idea for the drug causing all of these issues, The Memory Hit squanders it and is just a mess.  Do No Hit It. 

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Sex: Kissing
Violence: Death by Fire, Death by Gunshot, Fist Fighting, Child Abuse
Inappropriate Language: Shit
Substance Use/Abuse: Use of fictional drug, underage drinking, smoking

Of Monsters and Madness by Jessica Verday

Title: Of Monsters and Madness
Author: Jessica Verday
Publisher: Egmont
Release Date: Sept 9, 2014
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions: I like the cover, the image is sufficiently creepy, the colors work well and I like the scrollwork on the bottom (man, I am a sucker for scroll).  But, I don't feel like this is anything too special, I've seen this kind of backlight figure on a hundred scary novels before.
The real reason that I picked this book is because I LOVE Edgar Allen Poe.  I will pretty much read anything that is inspired by his work - even though I am almost always disappointed (I'm looking at you Nevermore and Mrs.Poe)

The Gist: Annabelle Lee has just lost the only parent she has ever known.  Summoned to her father's house in 1820's Philadelphia, she finds a world if intrigue and murder.  Her father is not at all what she expected, gruff and unwelcoming, he spends most of his time in his laboratory with one of his two assistants: one fair and kind, the other dark and brooding.  As news of gruesome murders creeps closer and closer to their home, Annabelle begins to suspect that the monsters may be nearer than she ever imagined.    

Review:
I didn't have the highest of hopes for this book when I requested it, but I will read just about anything that is inspired by Poe.  This predilection of mine has, unfortunately, led to some pretty awful books, but I keep trying because there has got to be one Poe connected book out there to make it all worthwhile.  This, however, is not that book.

Immediately upon starting Of Monsters and Madness I couldn't help feeling like the writing was a little juvenile and eye-roll worthy.  It felt almost like it hadn't been edited carefully.  The first half spent entirely too much time comparing Annabelle's new life to the one in Siam.  If the author didn't feel it was important enough to start the book while she was still living there, why pound us over the head with it every chance she got?  It began to feel like she was saying "look at all this fancy research that I did, I will show you ever fact I learned!"  This interrupted the flow of the writing and annoyed me.

I got the feeling very early on in this novel that Annabelle was going to play the damsel in distress, and I was right.  As a character she was rather bland, despite the author's desperate attempt to make her seem oh-so-special.  From the very beginning, she was a mess of cliches.  We are told that she prefers to wear trousers (though we never actually see this in the rest of the novel), she clearly treats the servants as her equal (like every other heroine in lame historical fiction) and she even meditates.  It really bothers me when authors try to take on a historical setting but give their characters modern sensibilities that are completely out of place in the time frame.  What results, at least in this case, is a character who seems all too perfect.  Other than being completely oblivious to what is right in front of her face, Annabelle doesn't appear to have any character flaws and spends the entire novel desperately trying to please other people.  She is simply too good to be true.  

None of the other characters are even remotely compelling and Poe is set up as the love interest.  There was some chemistry between the two but he was far too pushy for my taste.  On a couple of occasions he insists on being alone with Annabelle despite the social norms of the time that would dictate that there must be a chaperone.  This is one of those triggers for me.  It is not romantic, it simply shows that the character has no concern for his love interest's reputation or her future.  The servants and her grandfather are at least kind, but they don't have anything interesting about them and the father is interesting, but is featured so little that it barely registers.

The biggest issue that I had with this novel came in the very reason that I chose it.  I was looking for a story inspired by Poe, but that was done very poorly.  There were bits and pieces of Poe's work scattered throughout the narrative but their inclusion seemed clunky and awkward.  They appeared completely out of place with the writing style of the author and the scenes that featured them seemed contrived merely for their sake.  To make matters worse, the story was actually a mish-mash of classic horror novels.  It was as if the author a) could not decide whom to emulate and decided to throw them all into one book and let them hash it out or b) could not come up with a unique idea on her own and decided to steal them from the greats instead.  The plot was almost completely predictable and there was no real sense of danger or excitement. 

There was also a strange epilogue that appeared to be tacked on in some odd way of setting this book up for a sequel but I, for one, will not be signing on for that.   

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age:15 and up
Sex: Kissing
Violence: Murder (not described), Arson, Animal Experimentation
Inappropriate Language: Bastard
Substance Use/Abuse: None

Unanswered Questions:
Does she really not take the scarf off, ever?  Not even to wash it?  Man that thing must reek!

How to Fall by Jane Casey

Title: How to Fall
Author: Jane Casey
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Release Date: August 26, 2014
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  Pretty but predictable.  I love the colors and the stormy sea.

The Gist: Jess Tennant has been dragged to her mother's hometown while she recovers from her recent divorce.  Jess quickly realizes that she bears a remarkable resemblance to her cousin Freya, who died a year ago of an apparent suicide.  Something about Freya's death doesn't seem right and Jess throws herself into the investigation.  Everyone is a suspect and Jess begins to learn that Port Sentinel is not the sleepy little town that she had expected. 

Review:

Wow, I was really disappointed in this book.  I'm actually pretty surprised.  I was excited by the premise, I was in the mood for a good, grabbing mystery, it had pretty decent ratings on Goodreads... I just didn't like it.

First of all, the main character annoyed the heck out of me.  She had a particularly bland personality with some boring facts (like a bad breakup and being the child of divorce) thrown in in a futile attempt to give her some depth.  She was meant to be determined and committed, but she came off as stubborn and irritating.  Her only investigative tool was to ask incessant questions until the person she was interrogating got angry.  Eventually she came up with a dumbass, dangerous plan that would never have worked in real life and would and resulted in her getting killed.

To be honest, there weren't really any characters in this novel that I enjoyed.  The mother basically disappears, only emerging in order to look have some angsty scene with a married man that leaves her looking desperate, idiotic and pathetic.  The police officer/mom's love interest seriously skeeved me out and neither of the main character's love interests were particularly appealing.   

The mystery isn't so much of a mystery and there wasn't nearly as much action as I was hoping.  I think I would have been more invested in the story if we had been given an opportunity to get to know Freya as she seems like a much more interesting character than Jess.  The ending was particularly drawn out and boring.  Once the main mystery was uncovered, there were pages and pages of angsty crap while we sorted out things that were very obviously going to happen.  I was even more disappointed to see a sneak peak at the end of this book, meaning that the author seems to have found a way to toss another mystery in Jess' path and more time to devote to her incessant questioning.  I, for one, will not be signing on for that story.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age:  13 and up
Sex: Kissing
Violence: Falling from a cliff
Inappropriate Language: Slut, Bitch, Bastard
Substance Use/Abuse: Smoking

ARC Book Review: Feather Bound by Sarah Raughley

Title: Feather Bound
Author: Sarah Raughley
Publisher: Strange Chemistry
Release Date: May 6, 2014
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  Who is this cover artist and where can I buy this print?  This is just stunning.  I love the colors, the feathers and the bird imagery.  I can't wait to see this one in hardcover. 

The Gist: Becoming a Swan means being under constant threat from someone trying to control you.  Literally.  If they hold your feathers (coat?), they control your every move.  Having newly discovered that she is a Swan, Deanna wants nothing more than to pretend nothing has changed.  But, with the recent return from the dead of her wealthy friend, Hyde, Deanna is now in the perfect position to be blackmailed.  Ruin Hyde and keep her secret, or reveal her secret and risk losing everything. 

Review:Oh Feather Bound.  Dear, dear, Feather Bound.  You had so much potential.  A kick ass cover, a unique premise, connections to a haunting fairy tale but you just couldn't pull it together could you?  Forgot all about the world building didn't you?  Got stuck on a lame main character and a lackluster romantic entanglement didn't you?  Disappointed all the people who signed on because of an incredible cover and the promise of a story we hadn't heard a thousand times didn't you? Yes, Feather Bounds, yes you did.

Where to start with this book?  Well, the whole swan thing felt unnecessary and I feel like the plot would have been exactly the same if it had revolved around blackmail for some other, more realistic, reason.  It was very difficult to reconcile the modern setting with the age old fairy tale.  They were not well incorporated and we got no explanation for how this whole thing works.  Have swans always existed?  Were they recently discovered and thus became a hot commodity for human trafficking?  Do people have power over a swan if they get a hold of just one feather or do they need the entire "coat"?  How easy is it for these coats to be removed if regular (non-surgical) humans can take them by force?  Why is there such a stigma attached to being a swan?  How often do they sprout wings?  Do they have to?  I could ask questions for days but the bottom line is, without some worldbuilding to explain how these magical creatures came to be and what rules govern them, most readers will lose the plot entirely and begin to skim, as I did at about the halfway mark.

The entire plot is built around the idea of stealing a Swan's feathers and thereby controlling his or her will.  The entire concept is really disturbing, as is the way that this seems to have permeated the darker sectors of this world.  Swans have become the ultimate sexual plaything for bored, rich, white men who have tired of their regular perversions.  This leads to some downright stomach turning scenes in which Swans are sexually exploited by the people who have either stolen or paid for this type of total control.  By the time the first "Bad Guy" is revealed in a seedy bar that allows for the drugging and kidnapping of young women, I was pretty much done.  There couldn't possibly be enough comeuppance in store for this person to satisfy my bloodlust following that scene.

Even the romantic elements within Feather Bound are at best, lackluster and at worst, creepy.  The first time Hyde sees Dee after he returns from the dead, she begins to walk away and he grabs her arm.  She has no idea who he is and he grabs her without permission.  This is not cool.  There continues to be some strange type of relationship where she rejects him and he forces his attention on her.  Hyde showers her with gifts but doesn't seem to show any real emotional connection.  He doesn't now anything about her and shows very little interest in finding out.  Instead, he makes meaningless, generic gestures that are supposed to work on any woman rather than finding out what might actually make Dee happy.  Which, doesn't surprise me as she is a pretty one sided character who doesn't seem to have any interests of her own.  Hyde also reeks of condescension.  Take for example this exchange:

I took the glass, but set it down.  "Sorry, I don't drink." 
"For religious reasons?"
"For legal reasons.  I'm underage." A pause.  "You are too."
Hyde laughed. "And you are adorable." He sipped.

UGH! Are you kidding me.  "Oh Dee, you are so cute with your plebeian values like obeying the law. Us rich folks have no need of such childish ideals." (my words, not the books, though they would fit pretty well.)    

In the end, things are wrapped up in a pretty bow as Dee manages to break into a mansion (that apparently has no security system and only one lock) and the villains engage in a dialogue that allows each of them to confess everything and, as a bonus, includes a skeevy sex scene that just put the cherry on this disturbing sundae. 

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age:  16 and up
Sex: Kissing, Sex (disturbing for who it involves, not the graphic nature)
Violence: Rape, Fighting, Drugging, Kidnapping, Human Trafficking,
Inappropriate Language: Shit, Fuck, Bitch, Whore, Bastard, Tit, Pissed, Slut
Substance Use/Abuse:

ARC Book Review: Salvage by Alexandra Duncan

Title: Salvage
Author: Alexandra Duncan
Publisher: Greenwillow/HarperCollins
Release Date: April 1, 2014
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  The cover is pretty, if a little boring.  I do appreciate how the dry and dusty print within the color font stands in juxtaposition with the blue background.

The Gist: Ava has spent her entire life aboard a merchant ship.  As the head daughter in a polygamous family she spends her days working and overseeing her sisters in the menial day to day tasks.  Bound as bride, she is led to a sister ship as the marriage negotiations seal her fate.  After a fatal mistake, she is forced to flee for her life or risk being turned out into the void.  Ava finds her way to Earth and, for the first time, sees what options may lay before her.  Options that she, as a daughter and woman, never dreamed were possible.

Review:
Salvage is one of those frustrating books, not because of what it contained, but because of what it didn't.  The element that drew me in was the whole Polygamists in space angle.  Polygamous families here on Earth are pretty fascinating all on their own.  Combine that with a community that tries to cut their children and wives off from the outside world, and things start to get scary. 

Picturing that same thing happening on board a ship where it was actually possible to live your entire life without knowing that other people have freedoms that you never even conceived as possible - now that had the possibility of being downright terrifying.  This is where my hopes went with Salvage and why I wanted to review it in the first place.  In the beginning, that is just what I got.  The sexist nature of the family/community on board the Parastrata was disturbing and the thought that it was the only way of life left (as the first few chapters led me to believe) was even more so.  However, this quickly changed as Ava was forced to flee.

My first real problem came when sweet, obedient Ava who had never stepped out of line except to secretly fix a few machines, suddenly forgets everything she has ever been taught and every secret shame that has been imbeded in her and has sex with someone that she THINKS she is going to marry and whom she barely knows.  This seemed completely out of character and, instead of getting involved in the romantic nature of their tryst, I spent this scene yelling at her to stop, and think about what she is doing. 

This theme continues as Ava escapes to earth.  The speed with which she picks things up is more than a little unrealistic and certainly did not help me relate to her.  She accepts her new life wholeheartedly, despite never even knowing that this type of life was a possibility and without any surprise or shock that she had been lied to her entire life.  She learns to read and navigate a ship in what, a few weeks?  Months?  All the while she remains flat and boring.  I understand some desire to make her this way since she was born into a society that valued blandness, but even the other characters were flat and uninteresting.  None of them seemed to have any personality quirks and their backstories were left untold.  The characters motivations confounded me especially when faced with personal tragedy and simply accepting it and moving on without so much as a moment to mourn.

Confession time: I am not the greatest lover of Science Fiction but it seemed like this one had a lot of new terminology simply for the sake of throwing it in.  I found it distracting, particularly how Ava marked time, and rather than enjoying the story I spent a great deal of time simply trying to figure out what the heck she was saying.  I will admit, this might be an issue with me and Sci-Fi rather than just with this novel but I just can't handle being bombarded with invented language at the expense of clarity.

This new language came with no explanations of the Sci-Fi elements, how the ships work, why some people are on earth and some living on ships, etc.  This was particularly frustrating because, with Ava having lived confined to a ship for her entire life, the author had a fantastic, legitimate reason for other characters to explain to her (and subsequently, the reader) how these things actually worked.

Two things forced me to give up on this novel.  First, a great character died and it didn't have any emotional impact.  Instead, it was used as a cheap ploy to move the plot along (however sluggishly that occurred).  At this point I started skimming, awaiting the event that would signal a shift in the plot, spoiler - it never came.  Instead, I was treated to a love triangle.  This is the point where I stopped.  I was interested in the life of a girl raised in a polygamous bubble who escaped to the outside world - I was NOT interested in listening to her whine about her romantic feelings. 

I don't think I will be coming back to this author again, unless the next book has a kick ass idea and some really awesome reviews....

Teaching/Parental Notes: These are just for the half of the book that I read, there may be other issues further along in the novel.

Age: 15 and up
Gender: Both
Sex: Kissing and Sex
Violence: Severely sexist attitudes, Physical Violence towards Women
Inappropriate Language: Whore, Bitch
Substance Use/Abuse: Underage Drinking

ARC Book Review: Mrs. Poe by Lynn Cullen

Title: Mrs. Poe

Author: Lynn Cullen
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Release Date: October 1st, 2013
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  Kinda boring background, but I enjoy the font

Review:

I quit 70 pages in. I could not, for the life of me, find anything the least bit interesting about the main character. She is whiney and self absorbed, complaining about her situation and waiting for a man to swoop in and save her.

I became more and more frustrated by her constant struggle with her writing. Clearly, she had seen success in children's stories but was trying to write something more prolific that would pay more. I am not one to bash artistic endeavors, but perhaps in attempting to put a roof over the heads of your children you might deem to lower yourself to write something THAT ACTUALLY SELLS! She spends countless pages moaning about her monetary situation but decides to spend her time attending frivolous parties and walking the streets of New York rather than actually writing anything.

I was also bored and appalled at the characterization of Poe and his wife. They were simplistic characters with little color and nothing to hold one's interest.

With a plot that crawls and characters that make my skin do likewise - I quit.

ARC Book Review: A Wounded Name by Dot Hutchison

Title: A Wounded Name

Author: Dot Hutchison
Publisher: Lerner Publishing
Release Date: September 1st, 2013
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  Very pretty.  I love how she is leaping into the water, rather than falling as is common in a lot of YA covers. 

The Gist: A re-telling of Shakespeare's Hamlet through the eyes of Ophelia.

Review:I have been seriously procrastinating on writing this review.  THis is a direct result of the annoyance I felt while reading this book.  I chose A Wounded Name as one of the books to read while I was staying with my parents, preparing for my wedding.  I was hoping for a book to drag me away and give me a moment of to of respite from the insanity of wedding planning.  However, A Wounded Name ended up being the ONLY book I read because reading another page was the LAST thing that I wanted to do.  Bring on the crazy relatives, just don't make me read any more of Ophelia's tortured world!

A Wounded Name has the distinction of being the only book I can recall reading in which I hated ALL of the characters.  Every. Single. One.  I realize that this follows the plot of Hamlet pretty damn closely, but I could have done with some characterization to at least make one of two people appealing.  Dane is an ass.  Ophelia has no spine whatsoever.  Her brother and father are duel control freaks and, frankly, the character the reader is meant to truly hate, is the only one who behaves decently throughout the whole book!

The relationships in this novel are creepy at best, downright scary at worst.  Ophelia appears to have feelings for Dane but never takes any control and allows herself to be lead wherever he wishes.  Where he wishes, also tends to include physical abuse, which she endures in order to show her love.  THE FUCK OPHELIA??? She is constantly hiding the bruises, engaging in dangerous activities at his behest and making excuses for his actions.  Speaking of bruises - the author is OBSESSED!  Nearly every page mentions actual bruises, past bruises, bruise colored objects and on and on and on.  It has gotten to the point where I will never again be able to read that word without cringing inwardly. 

Ophelia's relationship with her father and brother is not much more healthy than that with Dane.  Both men are incredibly controlling and treat Ophelia like an invalid.  The family also seems to be distant and uncaring, while overly familiar with each other's private lives.  At one point, Ophelia describes her brother's sexual activities in a way that made me want to call child services. 

To compound on the horrible characters, there was a great deal of confusion about the time frame.  There are modern conveniences, such as cell phones, but antiquated ideas about women's roles.  The females are the school are raised to be obedient wives and the administration fights against any suggestion that they should change.  The language also got more and more annoying as the book went on.  I was looking for a re-telling of a Shakespearean masterpiece, but that doesn't mean I wanted to read someone else's version of Shakespearean language.  Every time the teens started speaking this way, it immediately jolted me from the story and made me question the author's choices.

A Wounded Name is merely a butchered classic that fell far short of expectations.  I do not think I will be anxiously awaiting any more of Hutchison's books.   

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Sex: Kissing, Sex among teenagers
Violence: Physical Abuse, Gunplay, Poisoning
Inappropriate Language: Whore, Prick, Bastard, Crude language regarding sex and masturbation
Substance Use/Abuse: Underage Drinking, Smoking

Book Review: The Sweet Dead Life by Joy Preble

Title: The Sweet Dead Life

Author: Joy Preble
Publisher: Soho Press
Release Date: May 14, 2013
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  Cute cover but looks slightly home-made. 

The Gist: Jenna has been suffering from a mysterious illness and no doctors can pinpoint the cause.  This, coupled with her mother's debilitating mental illness, makes for a very hard life.  Her brother, Casey, tries his best to hold it all together.  When a late-night trip to the emergency room is pre-empted by an accident.  When Jenna wakes up, Casey is by her side but something is different.  Her brother has started acting almost too good and the EMT who added them after her accident seems to have taken an unhealthy interest in her family.  The tests reveal that Jenna's mysterious illness is the result of poisoning and that Casey must help discover how and save her life.

Review:
I requested this particular EARC because the premise sounded interesting and I had hope for a strong and amusing main character.  Unfortunately, Jenna is not only boring, she is incredibly dense.  She does not seem to put clues together, despite the fact that they are smacking her in the face.  She also has a penchant for making lists and an obsession with her brother's (and everyone else's) weed use, both of which interrupt the flow of the story.  The other characters are not much better.  They are all flat with little to no personality.  Even Casey, is stripped of anything interesting when he is "angelfied".  Perhaps, he might have been a little more interesting if we had had more time to get to know him before the accident.

On the topic of angelization.  The blurb for this book clearly gives away the fact that Casey has become an angel and yet it takes Jenna AGES to figure this out.  I do not understand why the publisher would put this information in the blurb when appears to have been meant to be one of the big mysteries of the book.  The rest of the plot, unfortunately, is just as predictable.  Very early on, hints reveal the bad guy and it was at this point that I completely lost interest. 

The ending of this book was a little to easy for my liking.  Everything is resolved - even the mother's mental illness.  Which, makes me think that the author was using this plot device as a cheap ploy.  All in all, this book was a disappointment. 
 
Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 15 and up
Gender: Both
Sex: Masturbation
Violence: Poisoning
Inappropriate Language: Shit, Ass
Substance Use/Abuse: Marijuana use

ARC Book Review: The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson

Title: The Summer Prince
Author: Alaya Dawn Johnson
Publisher: Arthur A. Levine
Release Date: March 1, 2013
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions: Pretty.  Yay, no whitewashing.  Natural hair on a woman of color!

The Gist: Summer king gets elected, summer king gets killed - still don't understand why.  June is spoiled brat who causes trouble and calls it art.

Review:

WARNING: This will be ranty.  If you don't like swearing, please move on to another review - this one is not for you.

This book broke me.  And not in the "oh my god this is so good nothing will ever compare" kind of way.  More in the "reading has become a huge disappointment and I will now spend my time watching reality tv instead" kind of way.

I hated every minute that I spent with this book and, now that I have finally quit, I don't even want to read anything else.  I am that annoyed.

I hated this world.  It was futuristic and fucked up and nothing made sense.  To go along with the nothing making sense was the fact that the author chose not to explain anything.  I made it 3/4 of the way through the book and I STILL have no idea why the hell they choose a summer king or why the hell they kill him some years and not others.  And you know what? I don't fucking care.  That is how little these characters affected me.

The kids were spoiled and entitled.  June spent most of her time glorifying a father who committed suicide and blaming her mother for this, despite any evidence that she did anything to cause it.  When she wasn't being a heinous daughter, she was pulling pranks making art for some weird ass contest to which no one ever explained the rules.  Oh, and did I mention that any other free time she had was spent at lavish parties?

That was the gist of the plot, no danger, no immediate cause to work towards, just an episode of The Hills set against the backdrop of an alternative future.

Despite all these issues, I might have managed to get past it.  However, then came the sex.  I understand the desire to have sexual situations and language in a young adult novel, I really do.  I do not, however, enjoy the way that this author chose to use sex in such a casual manner.  June actually told us of how she and her best friend took care of their "virginity problem".  We hear of the Summer King sleeping with anything and everything that moves and then, to take the literary cake, June strips off OUTSIDE, masturbates, is revealed to have had an audience to her little show and then acts as if it meant nothing.  No.  NO NO NO NO NO!

I can't even.

The fuck?

If I gave this book to one of my students, I would end up fired.
Fuck this.  I'm out.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender: Female - I guess.
Sex: See review - this shit's fucked up.
Violence: Fist fighting.  Knifeplay
Inappropriate Language: Whore, Shit, Ass, Bastards
Substance Use/Abuse: drug use

ARC Book Review: The Sin-Eater's Confession by Ilsa J. Bick

Title: The Sin-Eater's Confession
Author: Ilsa J. Bick
Publisher: CarolRhoda Books
Release Date: March 1, 2013
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions: The cover is what first drew me to this book.  I loved the image of the letter and how it was a little faded and travel worn. The scratched in lettering and the blood add an element of mystery and an interesting edge. 

The Gist: When Ben befriends a young boy who had lost a brother, he never thought that this decision would change the course of his life.  When Jimmy reveals just how deep his feelings are for Ben, the town erupts with anger that a gay boy might be living among them.  Ben struggles with his feelings of anger at having been duped and obligation to the boy that he cares about.   When those responsibilities reach from beyond the grave, Ben tries distance himself from question, while at the same time attempting to seek out a killer.

Review:
The Sin Eater's Confession had a lot of flaws.  Firstly, the main character was despicable.  He was unlikeable, cowardly and an all around lame-ass human being.  Whenever given the chance to prove himself and make a decision that might actually benefit someone else, he took the selfish way out.  He seems like a very intelligent young man, but the entire book is based around the stupid decision that he continuously makes.

The writing featured a great deal of conjecture in the main character's head.  This was boring. repetitive and, ultimately, pointless.  We were forced to tag along for the ride as Ben whined about his horrid little life with parents who love him and a looming admission to Yale, when it was abundantly clear that other characters had actual important issues to deal with.  The book also featured frequent graphic descriptions of suicide and murder.  These were crass and disturbing.  While the use of this language appears to be intended to be edgy, it comes off as gruesome instead. 

I never really understood the point of the big cover up conspiracy.  It felt like page after page where nothing really happened and, in the end, nothing was resolved.  This book just did not work for me.  Even with the issues that I had, all could have been redeemed with a killer psychological and surprise ending - but that simply wasn't the case. 

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender: Both
Sex: Some description of naked bodies
Violence: Child abuse, Murder, Graphic descriptions of a dead body
Inappropriate Language: Piss, Ass, Jesus, Shit, Fuck, Bastard
Substance Use/Abuse: Underage Drinking

Book Review: Nevermore by Kelly Creagh

Title: Nevermore
Author: Kelly Creagh
Publisher: Atheneum
Release Date: August 31, 2010
Rating:  1/5

Cover Impressions: Ok, the font is nice and I like the overlay of writing.  HOWEVER - the emo dude on the cover ruined ANY chance of my having warm feelings for Varen.

The Gist: Vapid cheerleader is paired up with (gasp!) dark, emo dude for a school project on Edgar Allan Poe.  Despite the fact that the partners were chosen by the teacher, her friends take this as a personal insult and threaten goth boy for breathing the same air as cheerleader girl.  She finds his contempt for the world enticing and leaves her friends for him.  Out of left field, she discovers a weird world where Varen (and Poe's) writing comes to life and Isobel is the only super special snowflake who can save Varen from himself.

Review:  This book (and its sequel) have been on my TBR list for quite a while.  A lot of the reviewers that I follow have loved it and I had such high hopes that I saved it to be my last read of 2012.  What. A. Mistake.  Here were some of my issues:

1) The characters were stereotypical and irritating.  Isobel = the vapid cheerleader and Varen = the moody, emo teenager she falls in love with. 
2) Isobel didn't even LIKE Varen.  She was constantly hating on the goths and when she had her little fantasy sequence - he was there, but as a prep who was NOTHING like the real character.  For his part, Varen was a jerk.  He treated Isobel like crap and she kept coming back for more.  I read a lot of review that praised the romantic angle, but I just didn't get it.  Their connection didn't feel real and Isobel was more than a little pathetic.
3) At least 1/2 the plot revolves around a homework assignment.  That's right folks, Isobel loses all her friends and Varen gets pulverized OVER HOMEWORK!  I kept waiting for the supernatural elements to kick in, but they took FOREVER.  All this teen angst over homework was boring and irritating.
4) Speaking of homework, why were her parents so bent out of shape that she had to sneak out of the house in order to work on a project?  What kind of parent doesn't make allowances so that their kid can pass a class?
5) Also speaking of homework, despite at least half of the book centering around a homework project, and despite sneaking out to meet Varen to work on said project, Isobel spent her time avoiding doing any of the actual reading or research.  At the last minute, she threw together some flashy presentation meant to mask the fact that she didn't do any actual work.
6) When we were finally thrown into the supernatural element it was with very little explanation.  Isobel basically wandered around searching for Varen.  She had no plan and no information.  None of the other characters felt the need to explain anything that was going on and the whole Dreamworld seemed like one convoluted mess.
7) This book was supposed to be strongly tied to Poe - a master of suspense and horror.  This story does not do him justice and I am appalled that his name was invoked at all.  

I have NO desire to read any further in this series and, quite frankly, I hope one of the creepy ass bird kids eats Isobel for lunch.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender: Female
Sex: Kissing
Violence: Fist Fighting, Bullying
Inappropriate Language: Faggot, Christ, Piss, Pussy
Substance Use/Abuse: Smoking

Book Review: Magisterium by Jeff Hirsch

Title: Magisterium
Author: Jeff Hirsch
Publisher: Scholastic
Release Date: October 1, 2012
Rating:  1/5

Cover Impressions: The cover is kind of cool and I like the image of the cloak made up of birds, however, it didn't really entice me.  There is something about the face that doesn't quite match up with the creepy feel that I believe they were going for.

The Gist: The world has undergone a Rift.  One side is safe, the other is a wasteland.  At least that is what everyone is told. 

Review: To be honest.  This book annoyed and angered me.  This usually happens when I can see vast potential that is smothered by poor plot pacing and lack-luster character development.  In Magisterium, we are introduced to Glenn Morgan, who dreams only of leaving this world for a distant planet.  Glenn bored me from the first moment.  She is controlling of her world and her emotions in a way that prevented me from forming any type of connection to her (even pity).  I simply could not understand the choices that she made, from turning her father in to the authorities to blindly stumbling through a world that she knew nothing about (and wanted to know nothing about).  Glenn came across and naive and downright stupid.  Case in point: her father is arrested, her friend is shot and she is on the run from a government that has lied to everyone under its control - and yet, she still wants to return and pretend that nothing every happened.  She is not the least bit compassionate or curious and often made me scream in frustration

Glenn's friend, Kevin, seems nice enough and had the potential to be someone I could root for, however, about halfway through the book he undergoes a mysterious personality change and suddenly he is just as much of a jerk as Glenn is.  The reason? Magic.  The reason is always magic.  Magic that is not expanded upon or explained and is used as a crutch to explain every moment of weird shit.  We are simply supposed to swallow this ready made excuse like a bitter pill and move on.  We are also expected to believe that, despite the lack of barrier or patrols on the border between the Colloquium (hated this word btw) and the supposed wasteland, no one ever goes there?  Seriously? No teenage dares, no conspiracy obsessed nuts, no wandering children ever pass through the apparently thin stretch of forest?  OH wait, we do get to meet one family, but they kill themselves before we get a chance to actually learn anything.

On that note, I must mention the brutality.  But not brutality in order to examine a massive flaw in a government system or with human nature in general, no, this was simply bloodshed for the sake of bloodshed.  I don't like this approach in adult novels and I despise it in YA books.  It seems authors like this seem to forget that this is not HBO and not every death has to be a graphic mess.  

By the time I hit the last 100 pages, I was completely over this book, it's characters and it's world building.  The premise was interesting, it had great potential, but somewhere along the line it got bogged down in weird shit and forgot to tell a story.  I am not sure if this is part of a series, but I will not be sticking around to find out. 

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender:  Both
Sex:  Kissing
Violence:  LOTS: execution, gunplay, knifeplay, suicide
Inappropriate Language: None
Substance Use/Abuse: None

ARC Book Review: The Dead Girls Detective Agency by Suzy Cox

Title: The Dead Girls Detective Agency
Author: Suzy Cox
Publisher: HarperTeen
Release Date: September 18, 2012
Rating:  1/5 

Cover Impressions: This cover feels very contemporary fiction to me.  There is nothing about the cover image that feels supernatural and only the title hints at the paranormal elements that are crucial to the story.  I do not feel this one would stand out on a shelf.

The Gist: Having been pushed in front of a subway, Charlotte wakes to find herself in a swanky hotel and in the company of the Dead Girls Detective Agency.  Together they must find Charlotte's murderer in order to give her a chance to move on.   

Review: This was a very tough read for me and I am surprised that I managed to make it to the end.  The Dead Girls Detective Agency had a fun and interesting premise, but the writing, characters and plot were lackluster at best.

From the very first chapter, this novel featured A LOT of dialogue.  I get it, Charlotte had to be introduced into this new world and some groundwork had to be laid.  However, there had to be a way to accomplish this that did not involve pages and pages of info-dumping with very little in the way of comic relief and no action whatsoever.  For the first half of the book, we are forced to endure endless explanations of the rules.  What the rules are, who made the rules, how to bend the rules, what happens when you break the rules.  This is interrupted occasionally while Charlotte moons over the boyfriend that she left behind, realizes that he is a selfish twit, and then is informed by her ghost-mates that she gets 9 chances to break the rules - so let's go have some fun!  Seriously?  All that time spent building the world around these rules and then we frivilously toss them out the window so that we can drop in on Beyonce and Jay-Z?  That feels cheap to me and makes me angry that I had to sit through Ghost 101 when none of it actually mattered.

The writing featured a great deal of teen-speak that did not feel genuine.  In all my years of teaching, I have never heard an actual, honest-to-goodness teenager use an acronym in a sentence.  Yet, these teens drop OMG's like a middle-aged parent trying to be "cool" with their kid's friends.  The author also chose to engage in one of my serious pet peeves in YA: name-dropping.  I know it is tempting.  You want your book to be relevant, you want your readers to be able to relate to the characters: "She likes Simple Plan? OMG! I love Simple Plan - we could be BFF's!!"  In reality, in stinks of desperation. 

The plot of The Dead Girls Detective Agency crawled.  I found myself skimming pages, just waiting to get to some action.  There were some higher points, like when the girls possessed the cheerleaders (aptly named the Tornahos) but even those did not live up the the potential for hilarity.  There was very little in the way of action.  We had a few tense moments where the killer is revealed and a few more when Tess and Edison's connection is revealed.  I was pretty disappointed at the choice of murderer.  I am never a fan when the killer is revealed as being someone to whom we are barely introduced and, in this case, doesn't even warrant a name.

Despite my obvious issues with plot and writing, Cox could have pulled me back in with some kick-ass characters.  Alas, this was not the case.  The characters felt very cookie-cutter to me: the sweet one, the nerdy one, the fashionista, the bitch, the slutty cheerleaders, the sleazy ex-boyfriend, the new love interest.  All of them acted as expected.  They didn't do anything exciting and they didn't have any clever, funny or interesting dialogue.  Charlotte was incredibly boring, naive and gullible.  I was also bothered by the fact that she described herself as a prolific reader - yet she didn't speak like one.  At one point she even says "And one time, she helped me with a Shakespeare assignment, because I'd just finished reading Harry Potter and kept getting confused between Halmet and Hagrid and it was completely messing up my essay on why he had issues."  Seriously?  You claim to read a vast and varied array of books and yet you have trouble distinguishing between two characters?  I just couldn't relate to a girl that 1) dumped her best friend the minute she found a boyfriend 2) talked about the boyfriend non-stop for the majority of the book and 3) didn't use her special new ghostly powers to do some serious damage to the slutty cheerleaders and the boyfriend who hooked up with three of them within a few days of her funeral.

The Dead Girls Detective Agency just didn't work for me.  I was expecting a fluffy and humorous read, but this one just didn't have enough substance to hold it together.   

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender:  Female
Sex:  Kissing, talk of "hooking up"
Violence:  Murder - pushed in front of a subway
Inappropriate Language: Bitch, Pissed, Ho, Asshole, Slut, Whore
Substance Use/Abuse: None

ARC Book Review: Hanging by a Thread by Sophie Littlefield

Title: Hanging by a Thread
Author: Sophie Littlefield
Publisher: Random House
Release Date: Sept 11, 2012
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions: Not impressed with this particular cover.  It appears that she is lying on a bloody comforter on a bed (is that what everyone else sees?).  This never happens in the book.  Clare spends page after page describing her wacky designs, but all I see pictured is a simple lace top and VERY traditional necklace.  The pose is boring, the color is bland and there is nothing to make me pick this one up off the shelf.

The Gist: The town of Winston, California has been rocked by tragedy for each of the past two fourth of July weekends.  After moving back to the town where she grew up, Clare is simply concerned with trying to fit in with the popular kids and maybe find some summer romance.  She is also trying to hide the fact that a mysterious gift allows her glimpses into people's lives just by touching their clothing.  When chance brings her into contact with the jacket of Amanda, the girl who died the previous July, Clare must decide what to do with the disturbing vision.

Review: This book did not work for me at all.  In theory, it had good bones: the prodigal return, a mysterious power, a possible serial killer, a bad boy love interest - but when all those things came together in Hanging By A Thread they created a big pile of "Meh".  It starts off with promise, but gets bogged down once Clare starts playing Nancy Drew and each and every character is compelled to spill their guts for not apparent reason. 

The writing involves a great deal of Telling rather than Showing and tons of Info Dumping.  LOTS of long paragraphs explaining how events went down.  Seems like everyone in this town kept their secrets for two years and then all Clare has to do is ask a simple question and they break down and confess their life story.  The plot was fairly predictable and eventually, I ended up skimming paragraphs because I was getting tired of being told things that I had already figured out.  Had the author thrown out a shocking twist or two, I could have been brought back on board but instead I got the standard "rich parents bail out rich kids and someone decides that they should be punished" storyline.  For most of the book, Clare runs around town asking questions and when we finally did get a touch of action it was only slightly more exciting and over all too quickly.

The characters were incredibly one-dimensional.  Clare was boring and spent a considerable amount of time feeling resentful of her gift and arguing with herself about whether or not she should do anything about the information that she found.  She blames a lot of her problems on her mother and, despite constantly reminding us that the woman needs to slow down/find friends/reconcile with her own mother, Clare's only contribution to making these things happen is to yell at her.  The other female characters were pretty boring.  Rachel and her friends all sort of blended together and seemed to only serve as a way to pile on information through gossip sessions.  The males, on the other hand, were all really un-likable.  Clare's dad is a deadbeat, the guys she hung out with were jerks who called her a tease and a slut, and even the love interest, Jack, was an anger fueled young man with control issues.

I did not buy the romance angle for one minute.  In fact, it seemed pretty unhealthy to me.  Clare spent the first moments of their relationship grilling him about his murdered ex-girlfriend (to which he responded with anger and hostility) then continued to suspect he was the killer while running off to be alone with him in deserted areas of town!  As with the other characters, Jack spills his guts a little too quickly and then the pair act overly familiar for kids who just met and I really doubt the validity of their connection.  Clare reveals her secret (which left me yelling "what the hell, you just met like three days ago") and Jack starts throwing out lines like "Clare - it's me.  Tell me what you need." (which led to a lot of eye rolling).

I normally enjoy YA Mystery and I have heard good things about Sophie Littlefield, but Hanging by a Thread just fell flat for me.  On to the next book.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender: Female
Sex: Discussed, not described, kissing.
Violence: Fighting, Knifeplay
Inappropriate Language: Bitches, Shit, Jesus, God-Damn, Dick, Fuck, Slut, Pisses, Jerk, Hell, Bastard
Substance Use/Abuse: Underage drinking (and stealing of alcohol) 

Unanswered Questions:

If the parents are so concerned about a serial killer, why are they letting their teens out of the house at all?  It is called grounding folks (or if you want to be more PC about it - Family Game Night)

Having encountered/subdued a murderer, WHY DIDN'T YOU PHONE THE POLICE???

Book Review: Changeling by Philippa Gregory

Title: Changeling
Author:  Philippa Gregory
Publisher: Simon Pulse
Release Date: May 24, 2012
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions: The cover is pretty, but expected.  It makes it appear that Isolde is the main character when, in actuality, the plot follows Luca for a majority of the time.  I was glad to see the omission of the "heaving bosoms" that normally accompanies this type of cover

The Gist: Seventeen year old Luca is accused of heresy and thrown out of his religious order for using math to prove that it is impossible for all of the relics from the true cross to be real.  He is quickly recruited by a secret order and sent on a mission to hold an inquiry into strange occurrences.  Isolde has been cast out from her home upon the death of her father and forced to vows at a nunnery and serve as their lady superior.  When the sisters began acting strangely and complaining of strange dreams and stigmata, Luca is sent to investigate.

Review:  I was pretty disappointed by this one.  I have read a lot of Philippa Gregory's books (though I haven't really enjoyed the latest ones) and was hoping for the same sense of excitement that I got while reading The Other Boleyn Girl.  Instead, I got a watered down romance, predictable storyline and characters who were barely tolerable.

When we meet Luca, we are told that he has a remarkable head for numbers and that these skills led to him being called a Changeling (my definition: a child that is left behind by the faerie folk to be raised in a human household).  Take note of this BECAUSE IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN! Seriously.  He never uses these mysterious mathematical skills and, despite the title of the book, we never find out anything about whether or not he is a changeling.  As a character, he is boring as heck.  He never does anything exciting or unexpected, his manner of speaking is flat and unaffected and he switches between allowing others to take charge and pompously reminding them that he is supposed to be leading this investigation.

Isolde has been promised by her father that, upon his death, all the lands and the kingdom would be hers.  She has been raised to be the lady of the house and taught how to maintain her lands and keep her people fed and safe.  Yet, on his deathbed he supposedly recounts all of this and gives her the choice between marrying a particularly disgusting man or joining the nunnery.  Isolde is told all of this by her brother (her father apparently refused to see her at the end) and never questions the authenticity of his claims.  When she asks to see the will, he gives her a COPY instead of the original and then sends her would-be husband to rape her.  That's right folks, her brother tells his buddy that he can exercise his matrimonial rights before she has even accepted and (I think) within 24 hours of her father's death.  And STILL Isolde doesn't think he is lying about her inheritance.  FFS! How dense can you get?  For the rest of the book, Isolde continues to be boring and is in constant need of rescuing.  The only characters that show any type of promise are the servants Ishraq and Freize and even they are not nearly as interesting as they could be.

This book holds an odd place in the genre spectrum.  It is not quite realistic enough to be true historical fiction nor is it strange enough to be paranormal fiction.  The blurb promises werewolves, alchemists, witches, and death-dancers but doesn't actually deliver on either werewolves or witches and I can only assume the alchemists and death-dancers will be featured in the next book.  The plot is sloooooowwwwww and concentrates far too much on traveling and interviewing people.  It really feels like two separate stories; one that features the nunnery and one a village with a werewolf.  The stories felt disconnected, almost like two novellas that were strung together in an attempt to make a full book, and no progress is made on any of the over-arching issues (Luca's mysterious new order and his heritage or Isolde's disinheritance).  


For most of this book I found myself waiting for it to be over and wishing that I had chosen to read something else instead.  I do not think I will be sticking around for the next in this series. 

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age:  13 and up
Gender: Female
Sex: None
Violence: Death by Poison, Death by Fire
Inappropriate Language: None
Substance Use/Abuse: Drinking Wine/Ale

Book Review: The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness

Title: The Knife of Never Letting Go
Author: Patrick Ness
Publisher: Walker & Company
Release Date: May 5, 2008
Rating: 1/5

Cover Impressions:  This cover looks rather primitive, as if it was gleaned from a cave drawing.  I don't find it particularly eye catching but I can see where it would appeal to an audience of teenage boys

The Gist: Todd has grown up in Prentisstown; a town full of men who spend their lives surrounded by the Noise of each and every person's thoughts.  Just a month shy of becoming a man, he stumbles upon a patch of silence - something he has never encountered before, and the secret forces him to run from the people who know his every thought.

Review: I had saved this novel for a time when I just had to read something great.  It has wonderful reviews and has won several award so I thought it was a safe bet.  I never dreamed how wrong I could be.  I was angry and frustrated for most of this book.  I spent my time yelling at the characters and cursing the writer.  This was not an enjoyable experience.  

First of all, I did not care one lick for either of the characters.  In fact, I actively despised Todd.  I hated the way he spoke, I hated his actions, I hated the fact that he did not demand answers, because lord knows the author was not going to provide any.  I don't mind novels that ration information, handing it out a tidbit at a time like Charlie nibbling on a scrumdiddlyumptious bar, but this novel gives no tidbits.  Instead, it infuriates with lines like "it is time you knew the truth" followed by either and adult telling the kids to wait or something trying to kill them (something is ALWAYS trying to kill them - see below).  Perhaps, since Todd cannot seem to spell Information, Ness decided that he didn't need to have any.

I realize that the author made a conscious choice to use misspelling and poor grammar to allow the reader further insight into the mind of the main character.  However, I do not care.  I hated it.  I cringed at every "aint" and "shun".  I wanted to plant Todd in my English classroom and teach him how to speak so that he doesn't sound like a bumbling idiot. I couldn't concentrate on the story because every time he opened his mouth the evil teacher in my mind kept correcting him.  Ness also chose to use repetition and short choppy sentence, one would assume, in an effort to make the novel more exciting.  It drove me nuts.  Passages like this:

And she lets go of me-

And I jump across-

And I'm in the air-

And the edge of the falls is shooting over my head-

And I land-

And I turn-

And she's jumping after me-

And I grab her and we fall backwards onto the ledge together-

And we lay there breathing-

And listening- 

And all we hear for a second is the roar of the water over us now-

He employs this strategy over and over, sometimes for pages at a time.  That's right, I said PAGES!  This writing style annoyed me to the point where I really wanted to stop.  Yet I pressed on, I had hope that there would be some twist or scene that would make it all worthwhile.  I mean, something had to make all these people like it, right?

Speaking of Hope.  If the only thing keeping the characters going is hope, how about you give me some?  These characters were attacked at every point.  They never got a chance to rest before one of the main villians (one of which REFUSES TO DIE LIKE A PROPER HUMAN BEING) shows up and trounces them.  The attackers have brute force, horses and guns.  Our MC has ... a knife.... which he refuses to use.  Also, you would think, at one of their stops on this journey they MIGHT have picked up a weapon for Viola.  Fate (in the form of Patrick Ness' brutal pen) continues to pound on Todd and Viola until the untimely and unsatisfying cliffhanger ending.  

I will NOT be continuing on in this series. 

P.S Yes, of course I loved Manchee - and I hold Patrick Ness directly responsible for his treatment.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 15 and up
Gender: Both
Sex: None
Violence:  Knife play, gun play, death by stabbing, death of a pet

Inappropriate Language: Fuck, Whore
Substance Abuse:  None

Book Review: Chime by Franny Billingsley

 I have a soft spot for witches.

I have always been fascinated with witch stories. Simply spying the word in a book blurb can make me sit up and take notice, (oddly enough, the word Werewolf usually makes me stop reading a blurb with disgust - an instinct that I should have listened to when I picked up Shiver. Damn you Stiefvater! Also, damn you for having a name that I have to check for spelling every time I want to curse you. But, I digress).

Briony is a witch. At least, she tells you she is a witch. However, she doesn't actually DO anything witchy. At the beginning, this brings out minor annoyance in me, prompting me to tell Briony "Come on, talk to the old ones, write their stories, do a spell - it's not so bad, you'll like it!". About halfway through the book, my irritation gives way to anger at how much of my time this book is wasting and my pleas get a little more dark: "Oh, you don't like that chick? Let's kill her!" and get more and more desperate "Come on, Just kill her! Maim her? Give her Boils? .... Hives? ... One, little, pimple?"

"DO SOMETHING"

The writing itself is strange. Just when I think I have a handle on what is going on, Billingsley throws out something that leaves me flicking pages trying to figure out what I missed. She goes off on random tangents that have nothing to do with the storyline and only serve to add to my annoyance (see above). The plot points that are supposed to stun and shock me only leave me shaking my head and asking "You're just figuring this out NOW??? Where were you 100 pages ago?!"

The only character that I enjoyed was Rose, and there was far to little of her. Briony's self hatred made me feel like I was reading a 13 year old's emo poetry and Eldric's constant fidgeting was more irritating than endearing.

The word that came to mind throughout this entire book was Tedious. I found myself forcing time to read it when I would much rather be doing something more enjoyable like, oh I don't know, taking a bath in a tub full of razor blades.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 15 and Up- if the reader was patient and liked quirky books
Gender: Girls
Sex: There is an ALMOST sex scene but it is not graphic.  There is also talk of the witches being naked.
Violence: Attacks by magical creatures resulting in cuts, bruises, broken bones and a lost limb
Inappropriate Language: None
Substance Abuse: Discussion of characters using arsenic recreationally


This review can also be found on Goodreads